CAN I STEAL YOU FOR A SEC?
“You Deserve the World” and Other Fibs
The coded vernacular of ABC’s The Bachelor
A brand new season of The Bachelor is upon us and we’re in that brief honeymoon phase between the cringe-worthy limo pitches (What size is your banana?) and the inevitable moment when the charming lead (this season, Joey Grazedei) lets everyone down somehow. Probably.
How will it happen this time? Will he declare his eternal love to the semifinalist right before he dumps her, as Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner did? Will he pull a dunderheaded Zach Shallcross reverse-chastity maneuver in the fantasy suites? Or will he dump his brunette fiancé/finalist for the bland, blonde runner up because whoopsie, he “made a mistake” like Arie Luyendyk Jr. did?
Or will he come out as gay like Colton Scott Brown did after three seasons? (And yes, I think there should be a non-heteronormative addition to this irresistible franchise.)
Who knows?
The leading man and the gaggle of contestants on the competitive speeding dating unscripted (because let’s not call it reality) show The Bachelor use their own special terminology. In the face of constant surveillance and microscopic scrutiny, is it any surprise that every word gets candy coated to mask its unpleasant…
