Yes, pregnancy privilege is real. People really are tone deaf. Baby showers are awful when you’re struggling to build your own family. People actually think there is “an ultrasound to find out the gender!” Every time I hear that phrase I mutter “Better hope that’s all you find out.” The doctor doesn’t give a fat flying fuck about the gender, they’re looking for heart defects, missing brain matter, neural tube defects and more.

What it boils down to is people’s emotional immaturity and inability to put themselves in your shoes. They can’t imagine that what has come so easily, even accidentally, for them could be a major struggle and deep grief for someone else. Even when they know the deets, they manage to overlook your feelings.

I am holding out hope for you and your wife on this tough journey.