When you’re estranged from someone, any gift is going to feel manipulative. I had a friend vindictively abandon me because I was too devastated to center her latest drama in the wake of my mother’s sudden death. She popped up on my birthday months later announcing she had presents for me. It was insulting that she thought birthday gifts would magically erase her cruelty. I told her off—and I’m sure in her mind I’m the bad guy for rejecting her “kindness.” I honestly don’t care.

You’re right: If you want to work things out, start with a sincere conversation not a manipulative gift bombardment.