Watch Fixer Upper and take a drink when Joanna says: space, shiplap, farm sink, or barn door, or suggests “opening this wall” or “painting the brick.” And whenever she salvages something out of her carpenter’s trash. And when Chip makes the “bad news” phone call about a must-fix issue costing $3-6k. And when Joanne condescends to Chip. And every single time a client drops their jaw in phony wonder or exclaims “Oh my gosh!”

Many so-called reality shows follow a formula, but one episode of Fixer Upper is indistinguishable from the next.