This is what the people brightsiding you and unhelpfully demanding you focus on “gratitude” don’t grasp: Because you have living children, you know the true magnitude of this loss. You have every right to grieve this baby you nurtured under your heart. Their is no hierarchy of grief—you’ve lost someone precious to you. Anyone minimizing your loss or telling you to move on is doing so selfishly because they can’t empathize, or grief makes them uncomfortable. Try to ignore them.

It will be 22 years on Valentine’s Day since I lost my middle child at 20 weeks gestation. I will never forget him. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate all I have. I know you do, too.

I’m so sorry you’ve suffered this loss.