That cake is going to walk into the boss’s office and demand a raise and a 4-day work week. If your boss argues that cake will show up in court on time, flip off the judge and get your boss held in contempt.

That cake is on Poshmark right now ordering ridiculously overpriced “vintage” Doc Martens that aren’t even vintage—on the boss’s credit card. That cake wears a utility kilt and has an “eat me” tattoo. That cake listens to Pantera.

Beware that cake.