I’m pretty much in Joanna’s position now. My friend constantly made everything about her (mostly self-induced) problems, and no area of her life was without them. I was endlessly patient and supportive. Then my mom died, suddenly and unexpectedly. This friend expected me to continue the same level of selfless support, attention, and sympathy even though her problems were now quite petty in comparison to my grief. I finally set one small boundary, saying I was underwater in grief and lacked the capacity to deal with her issues. She responded with 12 weeks of complete silence, then popped up on my birthday pretending like everything was normal. I informed her otherwise and so she tried to blame me for her behavior, even gaslighting me that I’d told her not to contact me (never happened).

I didn’t start out hating her, and I wouldn’t say I hate her now. But I would have to hate myself something fierce to let her back in my life.

I totally respect your introspection and willingness to look at your own part in the dissolution of your friendship.