If this is how your partner behaves, if this is the level of respect they have for themselves, for you, and for the home you share, then how you’re voicing your disappointment is hardly the problem. And if they care so little that they can’t be arsed to do the bare minimum like using the trash can or taking a shower, rephrasing your complaint isn’t going to fix anything. They are either depressed and need professional help, or they are selfish. Parsing your criticism won’t fix either.

Both people in a relationship need to share the load. When one refuses, it’s hardly the fault of the other for “complaining incorrectly.” It isn’t the job of one partner to motivate the other to do the absolute bare minimum.