I used to occasionally go to Red Lobster for lunch with a coworker. They must force their poor waitstaff to use a script—one penned by a marketing copywriters who never waited tables. Each time, the hostess would demand to know if we “what special and exciting things do you have planned for this lovely afternoon?” Uh, return to the office in time for a stultifying staff meeting? But the most ridiculous was the server’s introductory script: “I’m Justin and I promise to always take excellent care of you!” Settle down Justin, we came for cheddar bay biscuits not wedding vows.

I hate that chain restaurants force their service staff to spout cookie cutter cringe.