PARODY

All About Me, The Troll with Two Followers

I just glanced at your headline and I am seething

The troll with two followers. Image by author.

Greetings!

Allow me to introduce myself. *adjusts tiny top hat* I’m The Troll with Two Followers who leaves snarky remarks on your articles. I know you’re eager to learn more about me because I am fascinating. I have proof! Just look at this astounding bit of yellowish fuzz stuck in my navel. You must agree, it bears a remarkable likeness to the profile of my hero, Elon Musk.

I’m proud to say I’d never stoop so low as to use an actual profile photo of myself; complete anonymity is the secret to my boldness.

I’m also chuffed to report that my new favorite word is misandry and I will jump on my soapbox and shriek it at every opportunity. And by opportunity I mean any time a woman posts or comments anywhere on the Internet.

For starters, I’m furious

I just glanced at your headline and I am seething. I cannot believe you have the gall to pass yourself off as a thinking human. Who gave you permission to post a story or comment here? Hello? This is not Babycenter!

Actually, I’m doing you a huge favor. Allow me to magnanimously share my pearls of whizdumb—which I order in bulk from…